Last week, at the Bon Ton and Modern Etiquette course, we talked about the questions you should never ask.

You know, those hateful, intrusive and embarrassing questions that each of us has felt addressed at least once in our lives.

Let’s find out together because they are just questions not to be formulated.

Never. To nobody. Not even to your sister.

WHEN ARE YOU GETTING ENGAGED?

Perhaps the person you ask for is single since a long time and you are accentuating her or his frustration.

Or maybe he or she are already engaged, but homosexual, and this has not come out yet.

Or maybe it is a person who loves to enjoy life and simply does not want to share the details of her or his love life!

WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?

Perhaps we are asking this to people with financial difficulties.

Perhaps they are in a period of crisis, which they would like to face with discretion.

Maybe, simply, they do not believe in marriage.

WHY DON’YOU HAVE A CHILD?

Perhaps one of the couple could have health problems that prevent her or him from having babies, and right now they facing exhausting treatments for infertility.

This question would be a useless nail on the head.

But there are also women who do not have a maternal vocation: they do not have children by choice. I know, for our traditional culture it is inconceivable. Yet they are many and I’m certainly not going to blame them.

DON’T YOU WANT ANOTHER BABY?

Same speech as above: maybe these are people who are facing health problems or a couple crisis. Both situations are difficult to explain to strangers (and even to relatives).

Or, simply, the family has found a happy balance and does not feel the need to break it. Maybe it’s a choice to have more time for theirselves, for their career and to enjoy their life!

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GRADUATE?

Studying is very heavy: these are years of effort, renunciation and self-denial. Those who do not finish within the established time frame may have had economic problems that forced them to work during their studies; or family problems; or other problems we do not know.

This question can increase stress and pressure. Everyone has his or her own time: respect this.

In short, those are really out of place questions: in all circumstances and with any interlocutor.

They are often done in good faith: maybe just out of curiosity or just to start a conversation.

Yet they are questions never to be asked, because they are personal and very delicate: It can really hurt people’s sensibilities.

Think about it!

And speaking of gaffes, prohibitions and common sense, I would like to point out the course of Bon Ton and Modern Etiquette with Elisa Motterle.

An interesting Christmas present for yourself or for … someone who needs it;)

Rossella Migliaccio
Italian Image Institute